life is (not) easy

Gw bingung loh. Gw punya temen cowok, dia tuh baiiik banget. Dia hampir flawless untuk ukuran seorang temen cowok, tapi sayangnya, nobody's perfect. Dan kekurangan dia ini sangat sangat menyakitkan hati gw sebagai temennya :(

Dia punya kebiasaan ngelupain temen kalo lagi jadian sama cewek. Yaa, waktu pertama kali sih gw sempet bilang sama dia dan gw terus terang sama dia kalo gw marah karena dia neglect gw sebagai temennya. Padahal kalo lagi sedih ato gimana, curhat selalu ke gw. Kalo online MSN, selalu nyapa gw. Giliran lagi punya cewek? zZ.

Yaaa, bukannya gw mengakui kalo gw jealous ato apa sihh. Gw cuma sebel ajaa. Lu tuh temen bukan sih? Gw inget dari diary gw dulu yang gw baca-baca, ternyata gw pernah nulis tentang dia. Dan saat gw kasi tau ke dia kalo gw sebel sama dia gara-gara itu, dia bilang udah seharusnya temen ngingetin kalo temennya berbuat kesalahan. Ya. Bingung deh gw sekarang kalo dia ngulangin kesalahan yang sama lagi. Many people believe in second chance, but not me. Sorry.

Sebelum dia sadar sendiri, mungkin gw akan diem aja. Buat apa gw ingetin lagi? Apalagi gw sama dia itu berlainan kelamin. Ya lu tau sendiri lah konotasi apa yang gw dapetin just because writing this post. Menurut salah satu temen deket gw sih wajar kalo gw merasa begini. Ya emang sih gw kesel. Haha. Yawdalah, namanya juga manusiaa. Mo diapain juga tetep ga perfect.. Gw juga banyak kekurangan sana sini lah. Gw juga bisa apa selaen sebel2 sendiri?? Bingung yaa. Hff.

It's almost new year and I think it'd be cool to have at least another post before this year ends, so.. here it goes. Haha. Nothing much really. In this blog, though, I prefer to write about him. He has been there in my heart since the first time I saw him. He has a very nice smile, and I guess that's just it. So many people ask me this same question, 'how come', 'why', etc, and I guess that's just it, at the first time, of course. He smiled to my friend, and I couldn't help not to ask my lovely friend who that was. And so on.

But it's just now that I realized that I may be in love with a shadow. I mean, HELLO? He's definitely not feeling anything towards me. But he is kind enough to want to be my friend, you know. I shared my story with another boy with him once, and he gave me a really really wise answer and support.

AH! He's in Jakarta now :)

But I don't know until when. Haha. I'm afraid to ask. I don't want to be too interfering you know... Well... December 30th is coming up.. I really can hardly wait until then! It's gonna be so much fun and thrilling! HAHA!

It has been a REALLY SERIOUSLY long time since the last time I wrote in. Ckck. Anyway.. Let me inform you that I may not write here everytime I'm online, which is everyday. Hehe. I'm kinda busy these days. And when it's holiday time, maybe I'm gonna get too busy going on vacation. Haha. And to Della, Monica, and Zvonko, sorry friends, but I may not be able to get my award from you guys this time.. I just don't feel like doing it these days. You know, I write more often in Facebook's Notes than in my own blog. Hehe. So, just come by anytime you like :) But it'll probably in Indonesian Language, so.. yeah. Anywayyy, I opened Facebook while waiting for The Dark Is Rising in Star Movies, but then I decided to write things I couldn't write on my notes in Facebook.

I was browsing all over Facebook, mine of course, when I finally remembered him. How was he doing and all, then I opened his Facebook. From his photos (I'AM NOT A STALKER!) I know that he's doing fine and getting back here on 24th of December :) Then it crossed my mind. Why did I ever falling for this guy, anyway? I mean, beside the fact that he's extremely cute, fluffy (haha), extremely smart, unexpectedly funny yet very mature and wise, very very caring, a down to earth kinda guy... perfect, if I may. Is those things really the ones that made me fell for him? It was a first-sight thingy too, you know. ARGH. I had my thoughts of asking him to go out with me, just as friends, just to know him better, and to talk to him in person, but I can't. Too shy, I guess. But he is so darn caring! I couldn't help thinking that maybe, just maybe he feels something for me too. I mean, why else would you remember someone's words when that someone didn't even remember telling you that thing? Why else would you care for the mistakes you've made when you tell something to that someone? Why would you want to know your secret admirer? These are all heavy questions. I can't understand any of it, really. But on top of it all, why, WHY, HOW COME I get to like him so much? Is it really just because I think he is prefect? I mean, nobody's perfect, but for someone, somebody is perfect because they can fulfill their imperfectness and makes everything perfect. But really. It IS heavy.

When he told me he remembered I don't really like to shake hands, I was happy. Truly happy. But still, I don't even remember telling him that. When he explained to me the mistake he made when he answered my question days, or weeks, before, I was happy. So happy you couldn't even imagine what I did. hehe. Smiling stupidly in front of the monitor. Why would you do that? Why would you pay attention to someone whose not even your friend? I'm happy that he cared for me, not in a too much way that I expected it to be, but still, I'm happy, but unless this feeling I have is mutual, would you stop? NO NO. I don't want you to stop, but please just tell me that.... Oh. It just crossed my mind. He's not giving me any excessive attention. Just some little, occasional, needed attention. Okay, problem's solved. I can get back to watching The Dark Is Rising now.

By the way, for my birthday, 18th birthday, which I find kinda old, no offense anyway, I want to have all 5 books of Percy Jackson and The Olympians, which movie is about to come out next February or so. I love it! I love Percy! :D